Thursday, August 16, 2012

Dear Mom, let's chat

Dear Mom,

We need to have a little chat..

I know you're frustrated that I am basically refusing to do any and all of my sign language.
Especially "more" and "all done" at meal times.
You know I can.
I know I can.
It's just that.. well... I don't want to.
I feel like, as my mother, the woman who brought me into this world and has shared nearly every waking moment with me for the past 19 months.. I feel like you should understand me well enough to just know what I want.
When I want it. How I want it.
It's not that I want you to read my mind..
It's just.. well, yes.. yes actually I do. That's exactly what I want.
I want you to read my mind.
Is that really too much to ask?

Yes? Well, then.. let me remind you of all the times you've walked through doorways and misjudged the distance between my head and the wall. Or the times you took your eyes off of me for what you say was only a second, leaving only the hard wood floor to catch my fall. What about the time you insisted on taking me along to swimming lessons in 110 degree heat and I refused to sit in the water to help me cool off and my face turned beet red because I was overheating? Or all the times you've had the audacity to let me CRY for more than 3 seconds, causing me severe gas pain?

Must I go on??

I didn't think so...

BUT because I am the amazing daughter I am, I thought I would put together a small tutorial to help you better decipher my wants and needs.

You're welcome.

Before we can begin a meal and even think about signs, I need a comfortable sitting position.

It could look like this.

Or this.

Either works.. But please, PLEASE leave that restricting tray off. I know you like to put food on it for some unknown reason. Or so I can learn to feed myself I guess.. but it my opinion it would work just as well for you to feed me with your own hand, leaving me not only more time to wiggle, but also more room to wiggle. And isn't that why you want me to sign? To hear my opinion? I thought so.
Thanks in advance..

WHAT THE.... Did you seriously NOT just hear me about the tray??

Anyways.. some signs (hee hee.. see what I did there.. get it?? "signs"?) that I might be done include (but are not limited to..)
Clearly getting more food on my face (and neck) than in my mouth..

Spitting my noodle out onto my arm.

Looking at my hands like I might want to move them back and forth, (which you say means 'all done') but not actually doing it..

Looking at you with a blank stare like I have no clue what you're saying. (The truth? I do.. hee hee)

AHEM! Are you still with me?

Moving on.. some 'signs' (HA! It never gets old..) that I might want more to eat include (but are not limited to)
Banging my tray with wild abandon

Smiling sweetly at you

Or crying.. both seem to work quite well

And looking at you with a blank stare like I have no clue what you're saying. (The truth? I do again.. hee hee)

I will warn you, that if you do not decipher these "signs" in a timely manner you will be greeted with THIS FACE, which means
"Look lady.. I'm NOT gonna do it. Not now. Maybe not ever... Just get. me. outta here."

Wait.. What do you mean this is more complicated??

It's easy.. I promise.
This face means I threw my fork off the side of my tray
(WHY... is there STILL a tray?)

This face means my Applelax (applesauce + Miralax for you amateurs) might be starting to kick in

And this face means..

Ahhh... nevermind..
All you REALLY need to do during the day is get more of these faces

And less of these..


and THE TRAY!! Seriously!!! What. doesn't. this. woman. understand. about. this??

Oye... She's never going to get it, is she?


  1. hysterical! If it makes you feel any better, by 19 months Addison wasn't signing OR eating so at least you're ahead of the game there. (-:

    1. The frustrating thing is she CAN.. I think it was fun when it was a new "trick" she learned and now she's over it. So hard to know when to push her to do it and when to compromise..

  2. Hahahaha! Could she be any cuter!?!?!

  3. That is so cute. I loved this post.

    Thanks for following from the Mommy Brain Mixer. I'm following you back :)

    Chronicles of Momnia

  4. Omg stop it right now!! This is the cutest post I've read in a long time! So glad you commented on my blog so I could find you!

    The View From 510

  5. Bahahahaha. Thanks for stopping by Our Family of Three. This is too funny. My daughter knows "please" all too well and thinks anytime she signs it she automatically gets what she wants. They are so funny at this age. Thanks for following =) I'm following back!

    1. oohhhh.. I can see the problem with the demanding please, but at least she signs it!! :)

  6. ha ha, this is great! I tried to get my boys to do sign language and they did... a little. But when you know they can do it then they'll stop just to make you a little bit crazy(er)! Your daughter's expressions made me giggle :)

    1. yes! definitely going a little crazy(er) over here! lol..

  7. Oh, Maria, is it as much fun as it looks? (Seriously, you make it look easy.) Hysterical! And yes, I know this word has been used several times in the comments to this post but there just isn't another word that fits so perfectly.
    I wish I had gotten to spend a little more time with you and Ella...and your menfolk. Maybe when RoseBud comes and Ella comes over to meet her new GIRL cousin, we can visit some. I adore you and I admire you. Can't wait for the next installment!

    (In some pics she looks just like J.J. and in other's she looks like Charlie and Nolan. What exactly did you have to do with her birth???)

    1. Oh what a loaded question.. Yes, it is the absolute most fun in the world.. But at the same time it is also the most challenging, frustrating, exhausting thing in the world! And I often wonder what I really had to do with any of my children's births... I think I was there :)

  8. That was too funny! I can't imagine how frustrating it is when you know she can do something but doesn't. It is so common with my kiddos at work too! :)

    1. Is it really common? It's not like she's regressing.. just more that the newness of her latest trick has worn off and she doesn't feel like doing it. Grr!!

  9. This had me in hysterics! I just LOVE her--and not just because she is a tough cookie! I seriously almost wet myself over this...

  10.! That was AWESOME!!! I like how she lists things you've done wrong (we've all done it). And what is with them and sitting with thier feet up? Alyssa does it all the time and I don't know why. Lynden didn't. Maybe it's a girl thing.
    {If you take the tray off it's just a ploy to get her feet on the table}

    I hope you linked this us to the Mommy Brain Mixer yesterday!

    1. exactly.. and then she slouches so low she fusses, but when I sit her up, she throws a fit and sinks right back down.. haha. And yes I did link up. :)

  11. LOL!! This is seriously why I am putting off baby food for as long as I can for my latest. It's just so much work!

    1. it is!! I was never one to start early with the food either.. Why spoil a good thing? :)

  12. Just following you back. This post is hilarious. I feel like that is exactly what is going through my son's head. He his 15 months and can say mama, but refuses. We will be going through all his words and he will say dada, moo, Bug Bug (our dog), kitty. When I get to say mama, he either shakes his head no or says and I quote "Ha, ha," or "Dada." Arrrghhh.