To My Beloved Paci:
You're the only one who's been there for me since Day 1.
(Besides my mom and dad.. and brothers. and you know.. Grandmas and Grandpas.. aunts and uncles.. cousins.. friends.. neighbors.... and everyone else I know..)
ready when I needed you
You saved me many-a-tummy ache because this is what I would do without you
when mommy tried to get a picture of me in my very first leg warmers (or any other time for that matter)
You became especially important when I was very very sick and needed to relearn how to suck on a bottle.
(Happy Halloween a year late since no one but my nurses got to see me rockin' my costume over those awesome hospital scrubs..)
You loved me when I had my feeding tube in
and you really stuck by my side when I was supposed to be eating but refused to
for months and months on end because.. well.. I just wasn't ready.
(And I kindof wanted to see if mom would really pull all her hair out.)
I don't know if I ever told you thanks for that...
You've been there for all the special occasions..
My first smile
My first Christmas
My first Birthday
And my first day without my NG tube. Woot woot!!
You've always encouraged my diva fashionista skills,
yet you were real... you never minded where we napped.
Maybe most importantly.. you've made life with my brothers..
I loved to take you swimming,
I'm gonna be honest..
I've strayed away a few times.
I've tried to replace you.
But nothing could ever come close to the way you've made me feel.
I've loved you backwards
For over a year I knew you only as orange. But you really blew my mind when your chameleon qualities emerged. One day after an unfortunate run-in with Papa's dog you suddenly changed to purple.
and then pink!
But now I feel like you're just starting to try too hard.. Green? Really??
It's becoming apparent to me that maybe it's time to move on.
And when I say "It's not you, it's me" it's actually really you.
The thing is.. you make me feel tired. You make my eyelids droop.
Bottom line: You make me fall asleep.
And since I've decided I no longer want to take naps nor fall asleep easily at night, we just need to be done.
I know it will be a little awkward for awhile.
My mom and dad really liked you.
They keep asking about you. Wondering what went wrong. Trying to set us up again.
It's not going to work.
I'd like to say that maybe some day we could be friends.
But the truth is.. I really don't think we can be.
We. Are. Over.
Thank you for the past 21 months.
You'll always have a special place in my heart.
Just not in my mouth anymore.