That Moment When It's All Worth It

That moment when she leans her head on your shoulder and nestles her little body close to yours and every part of her seems to melt perfectly together with you.. it's all worth it.

That moment when you reach into the backseat to unbuckle her carseat and remark in the -30 degree weather "Why did you take your shoes and socks off??" and she responds by putting her finger to her nose and singing the syllables to the word "stink-ey" even though she can't quite say the proper consonants yet.. it's all worth it.

That moment when she finally performs a new 'trick' all on her own, such as panting like a dog when asked what a puppy says.. it's all worth it. (must.get.on.video.soon.)

That moment when she is happily playing alone across the room and suddenly you hear her humming and notice she's doing the actions to 'The Itsy Bitsy Spider' all by herself.. it's all worth it.

That moment when she discovers you own a piano and turns into a baby Mozart before your very eyes... it's all worth it.

That moment when she gives you her famous all-encompassing grin and your whole world lights up like the most amazing fireworks show.. it's all worth it.

That moment when she finds her hair bands on the floor and instead of screaming every time you try to put her hair up, she crawls over to you, puts them in your hand, pats her head, then sits patiently while you put her hair in piggy tails... it's all worth it.

That moment when you feel like you have made absolutely no progress in therapy for months and months and then one day she surprises everyone by doing something new and unexpected, like letting go of the shelf she's standing against and walking to you for the first time.. it's all worth it.

That moment when we all sit in a family circle on the floor and she walks between her brothers, kissing them on the head everytime she reaches them.. it's all worth it.

Yes, sometimes being a SN parent is frustrating. Sometimes it's discouraging. Sometimes it's just plain hard. We've had our fair share of bad days and I'm well aware that they are not over. Yet there is also so much immeasurable joy in this life. There are so many good, amazing, life-altering moments that far outweigh the few bad ones we've had. Enough so that when I am thrown into a situation where I realize our normal is not the world's normal, and our 2 year old is not the world's typical 2 year old, I am caught off guard. Because this life doesn't seem different to me. Ella doesn't seem different to me. This girl has brought so much joy and happiness into our lives and I absolutely cannot imagine life without her. I'm sure I will still have moments of sadness because like the story goes, "The pain of not going to Holland will never, ever, ever go away," but I'm pretty sure I can count on this face to keep me going, even on the hardest of days..