Monday, April 23, 2012

Headed for juvee??

What a beautiful, wonderful spring day it was here in Nebraska. 70 degrees, sunny, slight breeze... Ahhhh....

To celebrate this glorious day, the kids and I decided to take a walk to the park. I had visions of us playing together, laughing, making wonderful memories.

It was so gorgeous out, it would have been impossible to imagine anything short of frolicking together through these green fields surrounding us. Very strikingly similar to the Von Trap children on The Sound of Music actually... Doe a deer. A female deer... Anyone??

Anyways, the walk started out great. Nolan was riding his bike, Charlie was in his silly 4-year old mood, and Ella was sitting nicely in her stroller without me having to carry her twisting, squirmy body for 3 sweaty miles like the last time I foolishly attempted a walk...

Unfortunately when we arrived at the park, there were two terribly behaved boys there. They didn't listen, talked back to their mother, joined a park buddy in using mean words, disrespected others' things, and just used plain ol' awful manners.

But the really unfortunate part is.... those boys belonged to me.

It's easy to blame their awful behavior on other things.. The 'park buddy' was actually the one who started using the mean words. My boys were tired. They were hungry. They aren't feeling 100% with their colds/allergies. Blah blah blah...

Bottom line is: My usually well-behaved children seem to have become a thing of the past. And this is my call to action.

I want to raise my boys into Men of honor. Men of character. Men who stand up for what they believe in and do the right thing, even when others aren't.

That's why I am so disappointed in their behavior tonight...

We have invested so much in them. We have spent SO much time and energy teaching them right from wrong, instilling biblical values. We have spent countless hours making them feel loved and secure, spending time with them, playing games and make-believe. We have guided them, taught them, loved them...And it physically hurts to see the little hooligans toss it all aside in one night of utter humiliation.

How did this happen???

When they were using means words (ok.. it was 'poopy') I actually felt like I could hear them as surly teenagers, cussing us out in a rage of anger. When they were stomping on a frisbee someone left at the park, in my mind I was actually seeing my future sons, graffiti-ing obscene images on the side of the school building. And when they were disregarding my cries to "use your manners!!" I envisioned them dropping out of school to live in their drug dealer girlfriend's mom's trailer...

Am I overreacting????

I wish I could say I handled the situation with dignity and used the night as a teaching/learning experience.

I wish.

I did stay calm.. until we got home and Nolan threw his dirty shoe right smack on top of Ella's leftover supper. What was that about the straw that broke the camel's back??

Let's just say they are both unable to go to ANYONE'S house (yes, even Grandma and Grandpa's for after church breakfast-harsh I know) until they prove to me that they do, in fact, have ears to listen, mouths to encourage others, (Please-no snarky comments on the quality of my 'encouraging' words) and hands to help others instead of harming.

I wish I could say we turned the night around and went to bed with loving snuggly thoughts.

I wish I could say I was relaxing with a glass of wine right now.

Heck-I just wish I could say the kids are sleeping. Unfortunately, as I currently type, Ella has awakened from what I thought was bedtime (apparently to her it was merely a 1 minute pre-bedtime nap) and is hanging sideways and upside down off my lap. Not to mention, she has been extra gassy tonight (B.A.D. for a CdLS kid). This sweatshirt has seen more pukey spit up tonight than I care to think about... Nolan is 'sleeping' in our room because Charlie woke up screaming (no doubt having nightmares of an ugly monster disguised as his mother threatening to take away Christmas), subsequently waking a crabby Nolan up, who did not take kindly to that. Charlie is STILL screaming and coughing (See-I told you he was sick!!) and will NOT calm down.

Oh-did I mention JJ is gone tonight?

I know they're only 4 and 6. I know they're just kids. I know it's probably "normal".

But I don't want them to be normal, average.

I want them to have big dreams. I know I do.

I dream for them to be bright beaming lights in this dark world. I dream for them to make a difference, to change things for the better. I dream for them to be the kids who stand up and say "Hey-that's not right" when someone is being bullied.

Not frisbee-stomping, poopy-name calling, no-manners boys.

Are we on the path to juvee?

Seriously-this frazzled mama would love some encouraging comments!
Thanks so much!!


  1. Maria, it IS normal! I would bet that even Mother Theresa had her moments as a 4 year when her mother was concerned for her outcome as well. Your kids have an amazing head start down the path to greatness having you as a mother teaching them what you are. Many adults don't even have those values. You should be commended for actually parenting your kids! There is a shortage of that going on right now!

    1. Lol.. thanks. :) I love the Mother Theresa comment.

  2. For a minute I thought that you were writing about MY last few days, which have involved grounding, a 6:30 bedtime, harsher punishments on manners (or lack therefore of), bad words (ok--'shut up'), etc etc.

    Here are my words of encouragement: at least your children will already know somebody while serving their time at juvee!

  3. Oh Maria, I have been there! And I have an "angelic little girl"! Haha, RIIIIGHT! Sometimes I am pretty sure my daughter is demon possessed. I once called my dad for some encouragement and he was such a big help. He said he would rather have a child that acted out that way than a child who was compliant on the outside and defiant on the inside. It's much easier to punish and correct bad behavior when it's all out in the open. It's so much harder to correct a hard heart. I have to say I agree. With Hayden, everything is black and white. While it's super frustrating at times, at least I know where she stands and isn't just humoring me while secretly plotting my destruction behind my back. Keep doing what you are doing and pray hard and with God's Grace your boys will turn out great :)

  4. Oh, Maria, we need to sit down and have a glass of wine together!!!
    Charlie is a really good kid who knows lots of Bible verses and cares for his sister and those around him very well.

    But oh my goodness he can get under my skin sometimes!!!

    I'm trying to focus on the difference between behavior I am annoyed by and actually sinful behavior ... I find that sometimes that helps me when I'm up late unable to sleep because I'm worried about whether or not I have molded and raised the perfect son. (HA!)

    And then, if you're anything like me, you start going down the road of wondering what would be different if those 4 little letters (C D L S) hadn't crept into our lives ... Like, if Emma weren't Emma and I weren't stressed about her caloric intake, would Charlie be more even-keeled? Is he running around the church lobby like a chicken because he's releasing pent-up stress from his home environment? I worry a lot ... (Phil 4:6-7 is helping me with that ...)

    I guess I just try to remind myself that God gave me CHARLIE, with all that he is. And then God gave Emma to Charlie and God gave Charlie to Emma and God gave Emma to me and God gave Charlie to Josh and God gave Josh to Emma ... our family was put together on purpose and those little personalities are all hand-crafted by God

    And someday I'll get enough of God's grace to truly believe that God gave my kids a good mother ... God matched you and your kids up perfectly! We all have bad days, his grace is sufficient for that, too :) I can tell that you are a good mom, your kids will turn out just fine :)

    1. Thank you Becky! I feel like I've mentioned wine a little too much lately though... I really don't have a problem. Lol!

      And for some reason I just now realized that you have a charlie and an emma and i have a charlie and an ella... hmmm.. interesting!

      You are so great at looking at the big picture. I am really trying to make a come back with my faith after having it so rattled last year.. So thanks for sharing some of your heart!