I'm going to be honest here.. I've been feeling a little down about my blog lately. A little unsure of where I'm going with it and if it's worth the effort. There have been many evenings lately where I put the kids to bed and am unable to move from my spot on the couch until after I have been asleep for many hours and husband says "It's time for bed." There are so many projects I want to get done, books I want to read, a house I really should clean, a baby in the making, and on top of all that do I need the added pressure that I should really be writing a blog post too?
Not to mention I don't always know how other people perceive me through this. I'm really a very private person and never thought I would be putting my life out there for the world like this. I have received many kind, encouraging words along the way and don't get me wrong.. I don't do this as some sort of popularity contest. I really try not to put emphasis on how many likes or comments or pageviews I get. But that being said, it can definitely be hard to pour my heart and soul and much coveted and precious time into something and throw it out into cyber space for all to see, only to receive 0 feedback on it. It leaves me wondering "Did I say something wrong? Did I offend someone? Are people bored? Do they even care???"
I've had a lot of thoughts lately that maybe I should call it quits on the blog.. Maybe I should spend that time doing something my household would appreciate more.. something exciting like picking up toys or washing dishes. I hardly have any energy left in the evenings after the kids go to bed in the first place, do I really want to use what little I have on something I don't know if anyone likes or appreciates anyway? (Not that my children would appreciate picked up toys or a sink full of clean dishes either..) I've been down on myself. Hard on myself for not making more of an effort to write more. Be more creative. Network more to reach more people. I've been thinking maybe I should just close down shop. Live my life without the need to reveal all my embarrassing flaws to the general public.
Until the other day. When I received an email from a sweet mother who also happens to have a baby with CdLS. She wrote me the kindest note saying how much she appreciated my blog. How she's read our entire journey. How she hasn't been able to reach out to anyone else in the CdLS community yet. How what I've written has made her feel for the first time that someone actually understands. That someone actually gets her. How reading Ella's story gives her hope for her daughter. And she thanked me for writing.
I was flooded with much needed reminders of why I write this blog in the first place. It started as a way of healing for myself and informing others about Ella's diagnosis. But it's growth to what I hope to be a source of encouragement to others, to both those in a similar situation and not. I realized again that it doesn't matter how many 'likes' I get or 'comments' are posted. It doesn't matter if I win any awards or are featured in a magazine's 'top blogs' list. It doesn't matter if I have 1000 followers or 1. It truly doesn't matter. If that one follower is someone that needs to hear my words at that moment and is someone I can reach out and provide comfort for, then it is worth it. Thanks for reminding me.