dental rants

Let me start by saying I had quite a lovely time at the dentist yesterday. Compared to the 100-year old dentist I grew up with who moved like a turtle after a large turkey dinner, my new dentist filled my cavity surprisingly quick and painlessly. I had pleasant conversation with my Dr. and the hygienist, consisting of mainly grunts and slight head nods from me, but pleasant nonetheless. And I felt almost pampered, getting to lay my head down and put my feet up for awhile. Besides the grinder-tool that felt like my brains were being shook into mush and the high pitched, fear-striking "wheeeeeeeeee" of the drill, it wasn't so bad.

Can't they find some way to put a muffle on those things? I mean, if they can suppress a bolt action rimfire rifle, they should certainly be able to figure out a way to silence a small dental drill, right??


But my dentist is a conniver, an enticer, a double dealer. He sweetened me up yesterday with a nice and easy appointment, ensuring that I would return today for the same type of treatment, basically wining and dining me. But today's appointment wasn't as pleasant. What? You mean I forgot to mention I had to go to the dentist TWO DAYS in a row?? Yes, I had TWO cavities I'd been putting off getting filled for, oh, about 6 months and lucky for me they were on two completely opposite sides of my mouth, providing me with two separate dental visits. And I knew if I didn't get them taken care of at the very moment I was thinking about it, I would put it off another 6 or 12 months, so I thought I better just get it done.

Like I said, my visit yesterday was nice. The numbing cream worked so well, I barely even noticed him injecting the novocaine needle into my gums, and only to ONE tooth, leaving the rest of my face remarkably movable. And it was over in only about 1/2 a hour. I got feeling back in that one tiny spot after only a few hours and was able to eat normally the rest of the day. Typically I am SO crabby for the entire day after a dentist appointment, even a cleaning.. My jaw hurts, my head hurts, and my teeth feel funny. I just don't like it. I would venture to say I hate it. But I felt so great after this appointment I wasn't dreading the one today at all! Maybe even slightly looking forward to it?

Until I hopped up in the seat, expecting to see my friendly Jekyll doctor come over to greet me, and instead it was Hyde that walked in the room, looking mysteriously dark and ready to work on my mouth with an unmistakeable twist of his mouth and a sly gleam in his eye. The nice dentist of yesterday who only had to use a tiny amount of novacaine to numb an equally tiny part of my mouth, now had to inject a whole painful syringe full of the nasty numbing material into my entire mouth, taking a full minute of painful pinching to do it. I was expecting a small amount of numb-age, not the can't-feel-the-drool-running-down-an-entire-half-of-your-face-and-all-liquids-you-try-to-drink-come-running-down-your-chin numbness...

After what seemed like hours of nightmarish poking, pushing, drilling, "wheeeeeeeeeeee", and subsecquent grinding to get the filling flat, I was finally and mercifully done.

I went to pay. Can you believe the receptionists laughed at me when I asked if they had some sort of Buy 1 Get 1 Program? I mean, at the very least a Punch Card where your 5th cavity is free, or after your 10th you get a free crown or something would be nice. In this economy (and no Dental Insurance), businesses really have to work to keep my business..

So here I sit, thinking irrationally angry thoughts of my Jekyll and Hyde dentist, half of my face still numb and aching, and starving because I didn't have time to eat breakfast this morning and haven't been able to stand the thought of chewing anything since getting home.. (new diet plan?), knowing that in only about a month I have to go back for my cleaning.

I just pray Hyde isn't working that day...